i was heading home from work this morning when i made a last minute decision to pull into fred meyers. i was certain there was something crucial i needed to sustain me for the next couple of rainy days, but wasn’t quite sure what it was. since i had erin’s car, i figured i’d let it come to me once i got inside..
and there she was. just footsteps from the front door. a life-size animatronic shetland pony named butterscotch.
as i approached, butterscotch shook her mane. i was nearly afraid to touch her, but noticed a price tag hanging from her harness. i figured it was harmless enough, but as i reached for the tag, butterscotch swung her head all the way around, looked me dead in the face, and batted her eyelashes. as if to say, “dont you know i’m priceless?”
a store clerk approached, but she wore all white, a different sort of uniform from the rest of the clerks at freddy’s. butterscotch’s handler and trainer, no doubt.
“she eats carrots too!”, she said proudly.
“get out of town!”
“no, really! she comes with a carrot.” the ghostly woman put her paw in front of butterscotch’s muzzle, and the beast took hold, making a sort of crunching sound, much like a horse eating a carrot, to be exact. “the kid’s just freak out when they see it” she noted.
“can’t you see i’m freaking out!” i muttered. a homeless looking man in a stars ‘n stripes baseball hat sitting on the bench offered a thunderous chuckle. he walked up to me, gestured towards butterscotch with his pen, and proceeded to write an intricate series of numbers on the inside of his hand. i gave him a nod to assure him that i had completely and fully understood his message and escaped into the aisles of the supermarket.
exhausted and overwhelmed by the butterscotch experience, i ended up walking out of the store with frozen berries and bacon. it turns out, butterscotch is on sale for $199. as i was driving home, i was thinking back on everything i’ve ever paid 200 dollars for, and how short-lived and worthless it all was. and i thought about butterscotch, and the potential for a lifetime of new adventures, new experiences, and the joy we would bring each other every day. butterscotch and me.
but i’ve already bought myself a christmas present this year. his name is fernando. he’s a loud mouth, but i’m just crazy about him. i’m ready to plan the honeymoon, but he wants to take things slow. more to come, i guess…
here’s butterscotch in action:
ΛPГlCOT ГΛY
